I've been thinking about love and relationships a lot lately. Not because of any developments in my own life but because at the moment I am living vicariously through my friends; my best friend has been dating a guy for over 2 months and he seems to be making her infinitely happy and.... whole. My other friend is in a largely destructive on-and-off-again relationship with the love of her (albeit short) life in what seems to be right up there with the passionate but mostly ill-fated star-crossed lovers like Buffy and Angel and Carrie and Mr. Big.

My thoughts dwell more on the latter, only because it is more fascinating -- much like tragedies are always more talked-about than happy endings. These two have been having a tug-of-war for about 5 years now and no matter how much pain and anguish they cause each other, they're still coming back for more. I can't help but feel like she is lucky to have found someone to obsess over, love, hate and generally drown her thoughts in.

I've never had any kind of proper relationship with a guy but not because I don't want one. In the past I've told myself it's because I'm not a size 8 (or 10.. or 12...) or because I just haven't had the right opportunities but I've now realised it's because I just don't know how to relate to guys. I'm not comfortable around most of them, unless I'm plied with alcohol of course. The only good male friends I've ever had have either been a) too gay to function or b) in denial about being too gay to function! And I'm not exactly sure how to fix that and I'm scared that I won't figure out how in time.

Ok - end psycho-analysis of self. I didn't make any New Year's Resolutions but it never hurts to have goals as long as they're achievable -- Starbucks calls them SMART: specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-based. But hey, I don't work there anymore so forget the crap :P I resolve to become good friends with a straight guy this year. Sounds simple, huh?

By vienna :: waits at 1:05 AM |